I really do feel crappy. There’s no particular reason but I just feel awful.
I’m going to Illinois for the summer and I’m so stoked. I really am going somewhere in life and nothing and noone is stopping me. So why do I feel like I’m not? Like life has come to a dead end? This it. Crushing loneliness and no social life because of some shitty job.
Now, I’m very rational and sensible, lets get that out there. I know I’m going somewhere. I only work this wank job so that I can go America. This trip will really open doors for me.
As for being on my own? I love it. I do what I want when I want. I spend money on myself like nice clothes and video games. I don’t have to worry about going out for a night out with my friends and what might happen. I don’t have to worry about anything… except for one tiny thing…
I might never be as happy as I once was.
Back to the rational, sensible and non-emotional Keers for a second.
I said exactly the same thing when I broke up with my first girlfriend. Got really upset about it all. Then met someone else. I know I’ll find someone else. I’m not some horrendous person with no social skills and no ambition. I’m a lovely person with a lot going for them and I’m really unique.
I think the reason I feel this way is because of seeing so many happy couples just recently. All of them having babies and young children and such isn’t making me broody at all. I just kinda think, what’s the point in enjoying the world’s finest things it has to offer if you have noone to share it with?
I realise how stupid this post is. I answer my own questions and yet still feel really crappy.
I’m a lover and a fighter, yet the only person I seem to beat up is myself.